I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
