We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
