Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
