In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
