I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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