I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's shark week go big or go home
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
