i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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