Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
