There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
