Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
