i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
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