Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
