I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
