i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
