Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
