You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
being pregnant is like rehab
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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