If i come over, it means nothing
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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