My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
