talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
