so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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