Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
