**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
