if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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