the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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