haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
