I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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