It's Friday. Sex?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
