i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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