Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
