she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
