Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
