Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
