I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
The adults are the big ones right?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
