Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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