I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
