My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
