dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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