How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
