What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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