On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
