She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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