Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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