shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
