whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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