he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
