OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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