battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
