she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
