Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
