Your tits are I can't wait for
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
