If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
