Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
